Striving For Love Defined. Pt 2

Every morning (accept Tuesday) on the way to drop Rowan off at school we work on a line or two from 1 Corinthians 13 to memorize. We talk about what each word means, what the line means and what it should look like in our lives. I give him scenarios and ask him what he would do in that situation and how the line of Scripture applies. He is a very bright child and he thinks very abstractly for a six year old. I know that I am his dad but I am just amazed at the work that God has done in his life. I also can’t help but think about the struggles that we have had with him and really some of the things that we are still working on.

I think that Rowan, me or anyone else on this planet will always be in some form of love “in definition” and it wont be fully “defined” until Christ comes. In fact,I think the lack of an understanding of love (Christ) is missing when people get married and that is why we have over 60% of marriages ending in divorce and countless other marriages that are nothing but a sad form of silent divorce. (that is another blog post all together)

Chapter 13 of the first book of Corinthians verse 10 says, “when that which is perfect (meaning Jesus) shall come, than that which is in part shall be done away”. Real love; love defined, is the love of Christ. It is sacrificial love. It is the act of loving someone greater than yourself. Phil 2:3. It’s rare and it is something that we strive for and we can never fully attain and that is the very reason why we need Christ. That is why we NEED a Savior (someone who saves). We need to be saved from the sin that keeps us from a lasting and everlasting relationship with God.

When Karen and I were really working with Rowan on some things we heard a great analogy from Pastor Mark about parenting and it goes something like this:

Our heart is like a garden. Sin is like weeds. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to pull the weeds from our garden. Weeds will crop up from time to time and we need to spend time with God to pluck the weeds of sin from our heart and keep our garden pure. The same happens with our children.

There are many things that I know in part but one thing that I know for sure is that as I strive for “love defined” my life does not become easier, but it is definitely worth it.

Striving For Love Defined. pt 1

As I was walking this morning I was reflecting on a gazillion different thoughts. So much going on lately: Karen getting ready to have baby Ethan at any minute, work related challenges, ministry to the kids of Gateway, my friend Jenna and her recent trouble with seizures, my grandmother who has aggressive cancer, my parents who are moving to the South Carolina, my friends and family with their needs, outreach ideas and commitments, Rowan in school, Kassi with her baby talk, Addi being well….Addi, Ryan deciding on entering the terrible 2′s six months earlier, and just general stress.

I used to be what you could call an “out of sight, out of mind” kind of guy. God is really messing that up for me. : )

I have noticed that more and more I am becoming someone who loves.

In my myriad of thoughts this morning I began to ponder: If I want to love, do I look at the definition of love or do look at love defined? Are they even the same?

I don’t know about you but when I hear the word: definition, I think of something that is general; something that is characterized by multiple meanings; something not fully defined. In other words: it’s subjective.

When I hear the word: defined, I think of something a little more concrete; something set; something that has been laid out for us; something more objective in nature.

Many of you know that my son Rowan has finished his Awana book and his Awana review so Mr. Ed has given him the list of ,”Take It To Heart” verses to memorize. The verse that he has been working on is 1 Corinthians 13, also known as “The Love Chapter “of the Bible.

Almost anyone who has been to a wedding has heard this excerpt: love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy…

When I was getting married I was just thinking, “ok..Let’s get to the ‘kiss the bride’ part and wrap this whole thing up, I’ve got a party to catch.”

1 Corinthians 13 is a book of 13 important verses and it describes love. I wish I paid close attention to that part at the wedding because it doesn’t give the definition of love but it simply is, “love defined”. It is the love of Christ. It is the kind of love that I strive for each and every day.  MK 2/5

An End To The Stock-Market Model Dad

As a dad, I have many hopes for my children. I think that I naturally look at my own shortcomings and make a daily resolve to do whatever I can to make sure that they don’t fall into the same traps; the same lapses of judgement; the same character flaws.

One of the most evident shortcomings in my life is the lack of consistancy. I know that on the basis of the “stock market” model of life, I can surely say that in regards to consistancy I have been up and down but steadily forward (although, I doubt if that analogy is still even correct). I find myself taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back in many areas….then 3 steps back and 1 step forward till I get 4 steps and then one step back, then 2 steps backward and 3 forward and…well…you get the picture.

It’s frustrating to say the least. Why can’t I be more consistant! Why can’t I realize steady and measured growth? Why? Why? Why?

So, in a feeble attempt to reverse the trend I desperately try to instill these characteristics in my children with..well…gimmicks, mostly but after growing and learning and watching I realize that it is in watching that my children learn. Monkey see, monkey do.

My children listen to everything I say. They watch everything I do. They internalize everything I stand for(and to what degree I am passionately committed to those things). They observe everything that I struggle with and wonder why.

So, instead of trying to employ a selfish checklist of do’s and dont’s and even going to the lengths of striving to always maintain a self-made religion of works I am just going to stop, take a breath, and just love God.

In the Bible Jesus says to LOVE God and LOVE people -on these two commands hang all the laws and all the prophets. Instead of focusing on do’s and dont’s I am going to focus on my relationship with God. Instead of worrying about my character flaws and trying to impose certain “rules” to change them, I am going to focus on my relationship with God. Instead of worrying about whether or not I am making progress in life, at work, with family, with finances and other areas, I am going to focus on my relationship with God.

I realize that after that, the blessings of a life lived for God will funnel down to my relationships, my children, my work, my finances, and my character.

The hope that I have for my kids, rests in my relationship with the living God!  MK 1/29

The World if Disney said, “That’s not my thing.”

A few years ago I was inspired to read a biography about a man that changed the way the whole world saw animation. People all over the world have been touched in one way or another by the creative genius of none other than Walter Elias “Walt” Disney.

Walt Disney was best known for his cartoon character: Mickey Mouse; the metropolis that put Orlando, Florida on the map: Disney World; and the motion picture giant that inspired a legacy: Walt Disney Studios.

After reading the biography, it caused me to be inspired to achieve more, dream more and create more. It also caused me to think more. I began to ponder the struggle of man vs fear.

See, Disney grew up poor. Extremely poor. He had a passion for cartoons at a very early age. Some would say that it was “his thing”. He had big dreams and he was consumed with his passion. His passion impacted everything in his life: the friends he chose to spend time with, his entertainment choices, what or if he ate during the day, and his relationships with others. But, has also struggled with many fears, as well.

Disney was a quiet and studious type and the very last thing he was described as was a “front man”. He struggled with crowds and he doubted his ability to speak in public. He was a true introvert and people described him as a man that never seemed to be the same person from day to day. Now, whether Disney had personality conflicts or just struggled with insecurities is unknown to most ,however, one of the things we all know for sure is how his dream ended. 

The truth is: It hasn’t ended. His dream lives on. He created Disney World. He created an empire. He created a new way to view entertainment. He faced his fears.

Disney wasn’t a front man but he knew that in order to make his dream a reality he had to just go for it. He had to take the leap of faith. What would the world be like if Disney said, “I specialize in cartoons….. not Marketing…. that’s not my thing.” Or, “I specialize in ideas….  public speaking…..that’s not my thing.” How about, “I specialize in creative design concepts…. fund raising…that’s just not my thing.”

The world would be different, for sure. For Disney: marketing, public speaking, fundraising….. those weren’t “his thing” but they were crucial to his success.

The people that face fear, face rejection, face humiliation, face trials, face doubt, face the things that are not “their thing” are the only ones that make dreams come true.

The World, if Disney said, “that’s not my thing” would be a much different world for sure.

What will the world continue to be like or look like if we continue to cave into fear, or doubt, or if we say, “that’s not my thing”?  MK 1/27

Ezzo Rewind, Life in Fast Forward

Several years ago, Karen and I had the he joy of sitting in our first small group for parents to learn a series of teachings called, “Growing Kids God’s Way”. We didnt have kids at the time but Karen was pregnant with Rowan. We were young, immature and naturally “SO FULL OF WISDOM”. The teaching series was written and directed by a guy named Gary Ezzo. It  had this awful intro music that was straight from the cheese factory and I would lean over and jokingly add words to it and make Karen laugh. The series had some great teachings though and we went through the class not once, but twice.

One of the most memorable chapters for me was called: The Fathers Mandate. It provided a series of key points that father’s should attempt to adhere to in order to best protect the hearts of their children. Those points were:

1. A father must cultivate a sense of family identity.

2. A father must regularly demonstrate love to his wife.

3. A father must understand and respect his child’s private world.

4. A father must give his children the freedom to fail.

5. A father must be the encourager of the family.

6. A father must guard his tongue and his tone and learn to measure his response against the excitement on their faces.

7. A father must routinely embrace his children.

8. A father must build the trusting relationship on God’s Word, not on human wisdom.

I made a poster of these 8 things for my fridge nearly six months before Rowan was born. I would see them every time I went to get something to eat (which was regularly) and I made an attempt to internalize them because they seemed very practical and just a great way to be the best dad that I could be.

Fast forward to four children later one child that is due any minute and I have learned that the “Fathers Mandate” is very difficult to apply. I don’t have the poster on my fridge any more but I do have a collection of experiences that have been etched into my heart. I don’t have the false sense of wisdom anymore but I do have a real sense of the trials and tribulations of being a dad. I don’t always succeed at being the best model of the mandate BUT the times that I have failed and admitted it to my children have been some of the best lessons in grace that I could ever offer them. MK 1/26/2011

The Laptop Ate My Daughter

Kassi is playing games, as I write this. Games have been a big thing at the Kain house lately. Computer games, Nintendo DS games, and games on the cell phone. We don’t have an Iphone but it is clear that we now live in the age of the Iphone, the Ipod, the Itouch, the Ipad and other her various gadgets and gizmos that start with E- or I. There is another I- that we can add to the list: the me, myself and I.

These video games definately cater to the self. It has caused them to become absorbed in their own little world and tune out everyone else. One of the things that I have noticed lately is that since we have introduced all of the I- and E- technologies into our lives that I have seen more of the backside of a video game and less of my childrens smiling faces. I have heard less of their giggles and more of the squashing sounds of enemies or the triumphant music of a mastered level. I am not anti-technology but I am anti-selfish and frankly I am a bit concerned for my kids. In addition to fostering more selfishness, these games provide numerous opportunities to achieve little goals and recieve lots and lots of praise.

My first instinct is to declare: NO MORE GAMES. But I know that this is not right, either. Games are fun. Games are exciting. I am not going to become some anti-techie legalist. What I AM going to do is limit them to special times throughout the day and make sure that I am engaging in more meaningful dialogue with my kids.

Kassi (especially) loves to receive words of encouragement. I don’t want the games and the approval that she receives from beating a level, substitute for the meaningful and heartful appreciation that she should be receiving from a dad that loves her so much.

Barf and Halloween

I love those candid conversations that I have with my children. My thought was that Rowan would be the quickest to open up and share about the things that have been happening in his life. I have been mistaken, though.

Addison, my 3 year old, is a wild and crazy kid. We affectionately call her Addi Poo and she loves it. Her comments always surprise me and my first thought is to try to pinpoint the origin of the comment and maybe dissect the meaning but what I always realize is that she just says what is on her mind at the time of the comment and many of the comments just stem from exciting or traumatic things that have happened.

For instance, a conversation may go something like this: Hi Addi, what was your favorite part of the day today? Her response: I played on the playground and I had crackers and they made me barf and I want to go trick or treating like on Halloween!

Very random! Also, she may not have gone on the playground, nor had crackers and Halloween was, ofcourse, months ago.

What I realize is that exciting and traumatic things that have happened (i.e. barfing and Halloween) have stuck out in her mind as memorable.

My goal is to be a dad for my kids that creates these memorable experiences filled with awe, joy, excitement, expectation, amazement: not unlike barfing and Halloween to a little girl whose imagination is just running wild.  MK 1/22/11

7 years of barefoot and pregnant…

This month marks an anniversary of sorts for my family.  I have now been pregnant or nursing for 7 straight years. Let me say that again…. 7 YEARS!! I should be receiving my doctorate in baby growing after that amount of time.  It was just a few short months after Mike and I got married that we found out we were expecting our first son Rowan.  It has been an awesome adventure, full of ups, downs and crazy twists.  On this journey I have learned a few things.  I thought I would share some of the pearls of wisdom that I have picked up along with some fun facts. Just some things that you learn from being a mom who is covered in kids…. and just a caution to you…. this could get gross… consider yourself warned.

1) All children, from the moment that they are conceived, are fearfully and wonderfully made.  There is no exception to that fact. Our Father has chosen us as mothers to carry one of His most precious creations.  Whether we carry them for only a few weeks before they go on to be with him or if we see them grow to adulthood we are blessed and honored to be mommies.

2) Being pregnant can be icky… between the barfing and the leaking from places that should never leak.  You know what they say: “anything worth having requires sacrifice,” and we sacrifice A LOT to carry a baby.

3) Eating for 2 is one of the greatest lies ever perpetuated upon women in a maternal state….. New babies are not 60 lbs. and after you have that bundle of joy and get on the scale the “oh crap” moment will hit you!

4) Your husband will say at least 4 hurtful, tear jerking things to you while you are carrying his child… He doesn’t mean to do it, but he will. He is human. Laugh at him and move on with your life.

5) People know you are pregnant. No need to whine, moan, and complain. Remember you are suffering for a greater purpose. Wait for your husband to fall asleep and then tell him about all your aches and pains.

6) The first time you feel your baby move will change your life forever.

7) No matter how many children you have, there is no sound more precious than the sound of your baby’s heartbeat.

8 ) The funniest thing to do while expecting is to have a man ask you when you are due, tell him you aren’t pregnant and act really upset. (Never gets old!!)

9) It never seems like a good time to be pregnant and yet children come at just the perfect moment.

10) BEWARE of parents who have all the answers. They never do and their kids usually grow up to do drugs.

11) Fundamentalism is poisonous to a family.  Follow what God has called you to do and not what man thinks God has called you to do.  ALWAYS go back to Him and His words. That is the only place that truth dwells and as parents we need all the truth that we can get!

12) Find wise people with grown children (that turned out OK)  and learn from them.  It is a blessing to learn from those who have run the race ahead of you.  These types of parenting mentors are a gift!

13) All labor and delivery hurts… some women just scream more.

14) If a man compares your labor and delivery story to that of his wife’s and claims that because your baby was smaller it must have somehow hurt less.. You have the right to punch him.

15) You can watch a newborn baby moving their fingers and toes for hours.

16) You can ride a bike while pregnant… I have seen my friend Jenn do it!

17) There is no greater gift than a husband who supports and loves you.  A strong partnership, built on the Rock, makes all the difference in parenting.

18) You must be able to laugh. If you cannot laugh you will go insane. If you go insane a relative you may not like will raise your children….. So therefore, laughter is a requirement for all parents.

19) “Me Time” is dead… save your mani’s and pedi’s for when your kids are in college.

20) Nobody knows where the “seeds” come from in newborn’s diapers

21) Your husband will try to sleep through the first meconium poop… Wake his butt up!

22) Laundry can wait… hugs cannot!

23) Great friends will change your life during this season!

24) After baby #3 your “baby bump” will turn into “baby lumps”

25) If you have more than 2 children your body will look like a deflated bounce house…. you can’t really tell what parts are suppose to go where until re-inflated by baby #3

26) No one thinks your kids are as cute or funny as you do. Pick the best stories and pictures to share with friends and family, then keep the rest of your anecdotes in a journal.

27) Share your passions with your children; share music with them; share food and fun; shower them with your love, but above all:  share the Lord with them. He will never leave them even when you are not around. He will always comfort them when you are having an off day. He will be their guide even when you have lost your way.  And never ever forget… they belong to Him. We are just blessed to be able to take care of them while we are here, and guide them along their paths.

There are so many more things to share, but since I sat down to write this blog post one kid has been stuck in the shower waiting for me to find him a towel and another one has removed his diaper and is running laps…. Like I said.. you have just got to laugh!

Are You Getting Your Fill?

Let’s just say that I have planned to go down to the public pool for the day. The pool is just down the street a ways and I decide to ride my bike for a little exercise. I’ve got my bag filled with my gear and I head out down the road. After a few hundred yards of pedaling I realize that I forgot to fill my tires with air. I get off the bike, examine my challenge and simply decide to walk the bike to the pool; after all, it’s only a mile or so. Half way there I realize that I am terribly hungry. I forgot to eat before I left. I decide that I can eat when I arrive at the pool so I try to change my focus by listening to a little motivational music. I stop, take my iPod out of my pocket, put the ear buds to my ears but I quickly realize: No music is playing. I fiddle with it for a minute, check the screen and notice that it’s working perfectly. I click through the device and realize my trouble! I forgot to fill it with a playlist before I left. The iPod is totally useless at this point so I put it back in my pack. I’m a bit more irritated now but  I continue on. I’m parched so I decide to take a drink from the sports bottle that I brought. I pull the stopper up, tilt it to my lips and give it a good squeeze. To my surprise the only thing I get from the bottle is a gurgle noise and just a few drops of water.  I think to myself. “Who doesn’t fill their water bottle before they leave for an outdoor trip!?!”

I finally arrive at the public pool after a series of major disappointments and I’m tired, cranky and starving! Before I even go to the entrance I feel as if I could eat a horse so I quickly grab my cooler and open it up. I forgot to fill it with ice so the food has gone bad. The fruit is all gross and slimy but after sifting through the soupy strawberry-banana mush I realize that my sandwich is still sealed in plastic. I triumphantly open the seal on the baggie and realize one more problem-I didn’t put anything between the bread! This trip is not turning out as I had planned-AT ALL!.

To make matters even worse, the pool is closed because of some kind of bacteria that was found on the pool deck. Men in suits are draining each and every pool in the park. I realize that this could take a while so I decide to head next door to the lake. I can’t swim very well so I pull out my inflatable inner-tube and begin to blow it up. One more problem-It has a hole in it so I can’t fill it with air. Now I’m at the end of my rope so I decide to call the whole day off. I  grab my cell to call a friend to pick me up because at this point I’m too tired to walk home, especially with a bike with no air in its tires. I press the call button and realize that there is no battery in the back of the phone – that one, I blame on my kids!

It’s pretty clear to see that this day hasn’t gone well for me. Thank God it’s just a made up story. But for the point it may be plain to see that most things to work well and have any impact in our lives, they need to be filled with something. A tire needs air, a stomach needs food, an iPod needs songs, a sport’s bottle needs water, a cooler needs ice, a sandwich needs substance, a pool needs water, an inner tube needs air and a phone needs a battery!

For Christians to have impact for Jesus in this world, they need to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

In Children’s Church at Gateway this week, your children will learn the answers to the following questions:

What does it mean to be filled with the Holy Spirit?

How can I be filled with the Spirit?

What happens when I am filled with the Spirit?

So this week, this day, this moment – are you getting your fill? Are you being filled with the Holy Spirit. Do you know how to be filled with the Spirit? Search the Scriptures and find the answers.

I find that when things aren’t going well in my life, it’s because i’m not asking God to fill me with the Holy Spirit.

Fill me with the Holy Spirit today, Lord and change my heart so I can be more like Your Son Jesus! Amen!

MK 9/25/2010

The Great Commission Submission: part 1

Family. Kids. Career. Church. Friends. Commitments. Stress.

It’s easy to forget that this life that I live is not about me when I am trapped in my own little world of , well…. All of the above. I admit, it is easy to be deceived into thinking that I have just too much on my plate to go out and do what Christ has asked me to do: preach the gospel. I admit, it’s even easier to be deceived into thinking that fulfilling that calling is just for those who are gifted in the area of evangelism. But I know that these things are simply not true.

I am admitting all of these things because they are all genuine thoughts that I have been wrestling with lately as I have been guilty of retreating into my own little world of good ol’ fashioned, safe, secure  American Christianity: a blend of moralism, projects disguised as “ministry”, and fun time with friends which I have affectionately called “fellowship”. None of these things are necessarily bad but apart from the gospel of Christ to a lost and dying world I am now seeing that much of what they are is just plain selfishness.

Karen and I had the privilege to go out to an area apartment complex last night with our great friends the Whitney’s to meet folks at their homes and invite them to church, pray with them and speak to them about the truth of Jesus Christ.

I was not excited about going at first. In fact, I was a little angry that I had made the commitment. My main thought was: I teach Children’s church almost every Sunday. I serve in Awana on Wednesday nights.  I’ve got four kids and a baby on the way. I work over fifty hours a week. I’m just burned out, over-committed, and all ministried-out. No thanks.

At the same time, I read Scripture which calls me to live like Jesus; to follow and obey Jesus and Jesus said: Go.

So I went.

Jesus is and I am not. That is why I need Him. That is why I obey Him and that is why I went.

I am glad I did because I felt the full presence of the Holy Spirit. I was scared at the first door but then it went away because I realized that I wasn’t there for me, but for Him. My hope is that hundreds of doors from now, hundreds of faces, hundreds of souls later we will have a growing ministry that will be a reflection of a life lived for Christ. -MK